September 11, 2011 Leave a comment
If you’re still reading here, you should really be looking at my REAL website at: http://kentostby.com.
One man's take on tackling life
November 21, 2010 1 Comment
One of the changes that I’m trying to make in my writing is to do some writing exercises on a weekly basis.
Here’s one I did this evening with verb synonyms.
Make a list of twenty verbs, but not just any twenty.
Pull out your latest work and go through looking for verbs you’d like to improve. If you can’t find twenty that you want to improve then backfill the list with common words that you think of off of the top of your head.
Make two vertical lines so that you’ve got three columns.
Yes, I know that you can use google or dictionary.com or right click in your word document to come up with synonyms, but let’s get away from technology for a while.
In the second column, write down a synonym for each word. Bend the meanings a bit if you need to, but either way fill in the second column.
Hit up your spouse, kids, roommate or call someone on the phone.
Read them the words in the first two columns and have them fill in the third with their input. Once they figure out what’s going on, it add some fun and lets you think outside the box because you’re using someone else’s brain.
November 8, 2010 2 Comments
I am often asked “Where do stories come from?”
Sometimes they appear out of whole clothe right before my eyes. Sometimes they are simply the answer to a question, “What would happen if …”
The latest short story making itself through my brain and into a word processor probably tomorrow started something like this:
My wife and I went away from the weekend to Chattanooga. Low and behold, they were hosting the “Head of the Hooch Regatta” for crew teams from junior teams, college teams, “open” teams. There were some kids with parents and a lot of kids in groups and a few wandering by themselves.
We walked around and enjoyed several restaurants in town and a bunch of little shops and the walking bridge.
Also dancing around the back of my head was daughter’s admonition to write something that didn’t involve plane crashes, assassinations, terminal illness. “Try writing something happy, Dad.” Something happy. Well that seems doable. I like love stories or at least relationship stories (although I usually kill someone on the way to the happy ending).
I know next to nothing about “crew” other than what I learned back in the days of talking to Laura B when she was on the UC Davis crew team and that was mostly remembrances of insane workouts.
So I stopped a couple of hapless college kids who were walking away from their sleeping bags because they were not only racing on very cold water but several schools were just there in sleeping bags on the side of the river for two or three nights in the forty-three degree weather and at least made them tell me how this race was being run.
And then there is listening to people in the crowds and hearing the phrases and reading the crude T-Shirts for sale in the pavilions that have sprouted up around the festival.
And when I returned home there was Wikipedia for some idea of rowing terms and races (8, 4, 2 person — lightweight and unlimited, etc) and of course, it won’t hurt to find the actual “Head of the Hooch” website so that I get most of the facts straight.
Well, she’s the high-strung overachiever and he attends the school that she got bumped out of for the final scholarship. She only dates in the offseason and then summarily breaks up with the guys and has no interest except winning at the regatta.
He grew up on the Hooch even though he went off to the top rowing school in the Northeast. They meet at Pizza on the Hill when she gets the line for the guys restroom (hey it’s shorter and it’s a single use at a time bathroom) and forgets her coat so he talks one of her teammates into letting him chase her down even though they warn him about her.
And so it goes ….
So where is the story, you may be asking?
Well, it’s still rattling around in my head (at least for now) and it won’t be out right away although probably the first draft will be done by Tuesday and then if it’s any good, I may actually (shock!) try to submit it somewhere so it will be a while before it appears, but when it does, at least you’ll know where it came from.
October 17, 2010 2 Comments
This past week, a friend from church passed away at the far too young age of fifty-eight.
On Friday morning, we attended the memorial service and we were able to see just how much one life can mean.
Before I go on, I should note that death for the immediate family is NEVER a learning situation and anyone who attempts to comfort those closest to death with words related to the deceased “being in a better place” or it being “better that they are not suffering” deserve both scorn and any physical retribution that is meted out upon their bodies.
So for the Gaines family, this note is not for you. There is nothing for you to learn at this time — it is just time for you to grieve in whichever direction your emotions may take you although you can perhaps take a small comfort in the many things that Ruth’s life taught at least one person.
The people who came to the ceremony were what you would usually expect, but the people who came from out-of-town spoke volumes.
The first that I recall was a woman about twenty-five years old who had been a friend of Ruth’s son, Steven in high school. She called her “Mama Gaines” and told about how she cared about all of the kids that she met along the way.
The second was a former boss of Ruth’s husband, Rick, who described Rick as the hardest working man that he had ever met. He and his wife and flown from Chicago that morning for the service and were driving to the airport to catch another flight out that evening.
A third family made the drive from Philadelphia. Another man flew from California to Georgia for the ceremony.
People only make these efforts when there is real love and real giving.
On my Facebook page, I have this quote in the handy, dandy quote box — Each day is a gift from the LORD. Like manna, it can only be used once and then it is gone.
The truth is that none of us know how long we have and what we choose to do with our life matters.
Somewhere along the line I have read the quote that “No one regrets on their death-bed that they didn’t work enough.”
This is not a condemnation of hard work, but simply a reminder to stop and think about what is important. Do you really need to watch one more sitcom or mow the lawn or should you pick up the phone and call your best friend from high school instead?
Another characteristic that you could see from what was said is that there was not an acrimony between Ruth and those she knew. Oh, I’m sure there was the day-to-day stuff that goes around in families, but there was no bitterness or hard feelings.
When we harbor bitterness, we hurt ourselves far more than others. I think it was one of my pastors who said, “Bitterness is a cup of poison that we drink thinking that it will harm our enemies.”
I’m thankful that within my extended family we have striven for peace and that good friends have come to me when we have a problem and wanted to work it out.
This is not easy since you may not always get the response that you want, but I take comfort in the scripture that says “As far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”
You may find that you have someone in your life who you have done all you can to make peace with it and at that point, you just have to let them go.
I am not talking about money here, of course, but giving of yourself.
Despite a four year fight with brain cancer, Ruth was always at church because that is the call of a Christian and while she often sought prayer, she also gave prayer.
She liked to hug and she would find you and give you a hug as well.
We can always encourage people and that is even easier with today’s social media. Reaching out to people who were mentors for us and sharing how it touched us brings honor and fulfillment to those who have helped us.
Till the day she died, Ruth maintained a sense of humor.
Sometimes when the pastor would stop by the house, she would make a “jail break” with him to get some sweet tea from McDonalds.
She would tell the aides that they needed to straighten up or she would fire them.
Attempts to correct her bent glasses frames were rejected because she liked how people would turn their heads at weird angles to try to look her in the eyes.
I contrast this with my own often bad attitude brought on by the mildest of circumstantial misdeeds.
There are countless metaphors from the movies The Bucket List and Stranger Than Fiction to those proposed by self-help gurus who message is to “live your life.”
Ruth lived her life — skating, hiking, working, learning, loving, worshiping, and caring.
There are two and a half months left in this year — is there someone you need to write or call, something you’ve “always wanted to do,” something that has taken over your life that you need to dump?
Two and a half months — live your life.
Do it for Ruth.
October 11, 2010 1 Comment
I have been a Christian for many years and sometimes I just don’t understand why God created the church.
Now, I am not talking about the most scandulous accusations and deeds of the church such that have been in the news. It is easy to see that those things have nothing to do with true Christianity. They are simply the work of evil men doing doing evil things.
But what about the Church when it is functioning normally?
Why does God have us as a part of such an organization when it seems that it would often be easier to be on our own without the conflicts that occur in the short term life of the church.
One of the first things that I see when I try to answer the question about why the Church is important and why being a part of a church (little “c”) body is important is that the church often provides a stability point for people who are struggling with life.
The struggling may be caused by something horrific (abuse or rejection), something bad but “normal” ( divorce, loss of job, etc) or even just regular life ( more kids than money to pay for them).
What many people fail to understand (especially those who have grown up with a relatively stable life) is that the simple act of connecting with trustworthy, loving people on a weekly or more frequent basis adds a great amount of stability into the life of people who otherwise feel out of control.
The second aspect of the Church that continues throughout time is the aspect of modeling. Paul talks to Timothy about passing on the things that he has seen and heard.
For many years as Kradan and I have lead small groups, I have gotten far more comments about the lifestyle we modeled (our interaction with each other and the kids — kind to each other, but honest about our issues as well) than I have ever gotten for somehow enlighting someone through teaching.
Yes, there are “ah ha” moments in the teaching when I see the light bulb come on for people, but far and away are the lessons learned through observation, through enjoying hospitality, and through seeing how people deal with and resolve conflict with each other.
Often times when we have been Christians for a long time, we begin to feel like we can handle life with just us and God. It’s not that we think we are better than other people, but rather we sometimes feel that we ought to, by now, after SOOOOO many years as Christians be able to handle life on our own or at least just with God.
Yet God has shown me through so many wonderful Christians over the years that only He can touch me and, by choice, He quite often chooses to do it through the hands of other believers.
One of the most beautiful things to see is how we move on in the cycle of generations within the church.
For so long I was a child and a youth, and then suddenly I was a young adult who someone trusted to lead a small group. And then age started to kick in and as I’ve moved into my forties, I was one of the elders and one of the “senior” small group leaders (by which they meant they couldn’t kill my group no matter what).
And now I have friends who are in their 20s and 20s who are reaching out to mentor my teenager.
I have a “tweener” who is spending time helping in the nursery providing ministry to those kids whose parents can then soak in the word without worrying about their kids.
I have parents in their seventies who continue to model giving and hospitality and multi-generational relationships.
The list above is not exhaustive as there are many other benefits to the church, but I think that I sum up it’s greatest value like this:
Involvement in the church builds a momentum in our lives and in the lives of those around us.
Like marriage, the Church works not when we have “give and take” but as our pastor said today when we have “Give and Give.”
I am often reminded of Galations 6:9 now that I have reached the middl-ish part of my life:
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
We never know if the next prayer, the next instruction, the next devotion, or the next encouragement will be the one that pushes ourselves or another into a tighter orbit in one’s relationship with Jesus Christ.
We can only fall back on a God who cares so deeply about us and trust Him to know what He was doing when He created the church and to continue to press on towards what He has for us.
September 19, 2010 Leave a comment
Wicked Prey is another book in John Sanford’s “Prey” series.
Set in Minnesota, the “Prey” series is a set of serial killer novels that revolve around detective Lucas Davenport. Davenport is the type of “classic” hero that many of us want to read about — smart (millionaire game designer), tough (former college hockey player), cold eye killer ( he kills someone in every book), sexy (until his marriage, he always got the girl), and yet with problems ( he’s afraid of airplane flights and has sufferred from nearly fatal depression — a special gun in his basement that kept calling his name).
Wicked Prey carries two plots through to completion as do all of the Prey series books. The main plot is a gang that has come to Minneapolis to rip off the large sums of cash that Republican movers and shakers bring into town for walking around money during the Republican convention. Lucas must locate, isolate, and (of course shoot it out) with the gang.
The second plot, as Sanford usually does, draws on a past plot — in this case, a low level criminal who was crippled in a shootout with Davenport and his co-workers starts stalking Davenport’s adopted twelve year old daughter and she starts stalking him in return.
Genre: Suspense / Cop / Series
New or Old: New (2010)
What I Liked About It
I love the series. Davenport is an amazing character. It’s one of the few series where I am always ready to read the newest one.
Davenport has grown in many ways throughout the series and that continues in this book as his relationship with his adopted daughter changes as she is headed into puberty and having to deal with some of the fallout of Davenport’s previous choices.
Sanford’s writing is very straightforward. He introduces his minor characters with a succinct couple of paragraphs, but manages to give some life to them even if they only live a page or two in the novel.
Read This If
Read this if you like a good, fairly raw police detective book / series. You will do yourself a favor if you get the Wicked Prey and copy down the Prey books and read them in order.
This is a series that I wouldn’t mind owning front to back at some point in life.
Don’t Read This If
Almost all of the books contain violence, swearing, and at least some innuendo if not a bedroom scene or two.
In other words, don’t read these books if you don’t watch “R” rated movies. Think something equivilant to Heat or History of Violence.
August 25, 2010 Leave a comment
As an American, I get carried away by the heroism and overcoming of huge odds. For instance, in the latest incarnation of Robin Hood, Russell Crowe’s title character goes from being an archer in disregard, to a rich thief, to a baron’s son, to being happily married to Cate Blanchett.
No one bothers to question him as to why he is riding the king’s horse when he returns to England and he seemlessly becomes lord over a great number of servants who can cook for him.
And I know that you can drive across England in a day, but can you really ride from the northern area where Nottingham is all the way to the southern coast in a short enough time that you don’t need cooks, cattle, and food for your army?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking the movie which I enjoyed immensely, I’m just wishing I could get some of that magic pixie dust.
Instead of having to interrupt what I’m doing, I could simply declare myself the winner of a small lottery and soon I could pay people to do all my food preparation so that I could have time to write instead of having to split cooking and cleaning duties with my wife.
Rather than having to work for weeks and months to lose a few stubborn pounds, I could simply run through the streets with a cool looking dog (which would hopefully eat my family’s cats) and we could just re-run that sequence a few times until I thinned out.
Instead of having these dumb fights with my wife where I my pithiness drops to something like “did not,” I could have a very alturistic argument followed by long winded French kissing to make up for perceived differences.
Alas, I am not in a movie and so I have to work a regular job, use “portion control,” and step away from the keyboard long enough to go for a walk/jog to burn those calories.
It takes a mix of hard work and smart work these days to be a generalist.
To be good at your “real job,” spend time with your family, mow the grass, be engaged at church, stay fit, and to write a book (and invest in all the social media required to become an author).
Someday I should emerge (theoritically) doing well at all those things, but for now, I suppose I will have to make do with the progress and the “joy of it” (which is sometimes there and sometimes isn’t if I’m honest) and keep plugging away.